I’ve done it again! This is definitely a pattern for me. Some might say I’m a dreamer, an optimist, but I know that’s not true. I’m the most pessimistic, unconfident person out there. OK fine, I’ll agree with dreamer but nothing ever comes of my dreams. So here I go again. What am I doing on a community college campus? What in the world did I get myself into? Is this a mid-life crisis or something? I had this great idea to take an acting class while my daughter is in kindergarten. As I get out of my car, I realize it seemed like a much better idea in theory. I start to feel a bit warm in my cheeks and try to not look around. I just begin to smile and laugh. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I’m actually here. I wish someone I knew could see or hear me now. I hear music blaring from a car passing by and kids that look like they are not actually old enough to drive with their backpacks slung over one shoulder are on all sides of. One student seriously whizzes by on a hands free segway (the invention claiming to be the hoverboard). I find the building my class is in and after about 10 minutes going up and down the same staircases and back tracking down the same hallways I find my room. That was a feat in itself! This might have been the second sign from above that this was not a good idea- I think the man upstairs was telling me to get back in my car and go the hell home. The first sign was the four parking lots and 15 minutes of driving around before I could actually park my car. Some might say, “What ambition”, “What drive”, or “What perseverance”, but I know the reality is that I”m just dumb, crazy, and stubborn. So…. in I go to an almost empty classroom with only chairs- no desks to hide in. I smile and sit myself down hoping I might blend in, but who am I kidding I’m almost 40 and these kids I quite possibly could have babysat when I was in the eighth grade.
It’s in this class that I have to for the first time since I was a freshman in high school act out a scene from a play. That was over 24 years ago!!! Plus, I was only on the drama club for one year and I never actually performed in any real plays or musicals. All I could think about was what an idiot I was. Thoughts raced through my mind-none of them positive. You’re shy! You’re socially awkward! You are quite and not much of a talker! The only drama you express is in the comfort of your own home in front of your family. Let’s not forget that you have no confidence, and that you are essentially a very boring and uninteresting person! Plus, I think I might just lack emotion or affect in my voice. I have a horribly monotone whining voice. How the hell did I think taking an acting class was going to be a great idea! It’s like a bad audition for American Idol. Why doesn’t someone tell that person they suck!!! None the less, I do it and I survive. I think there were worse people than me but then again there’s no video to prove it.
So what’s the point here? What will I do now? Well, in reality I really don’t know. This is how most of my life goes. I never really truly know what I’m going to do, but for now I will continue on. I’ll finish this class even if it’s the most humiliating thing I ever do. Maybe it will give me confidence, make me more exciting to talk to at parties, or who knows maybe it’s something that can actually be learned even at an old age. I guess If there’s anything that I know about myself it’s that I’m not a quitter. I want to see this through-give it a real shot. It’s something I always regretted not pursuing. Maybe it’s a bucket list thing, maybe it’s a mid-life crisis- but damn it- I’m gonna see this thing through. I may be a complete and utter failure but I definitely am not a quitter. So guess what? The majority of people in this world are mediocre and average. There are only a small percentage of people who are great and phenomenal. These are only a select few. So stop quitting just because you can’t be that dynamic 10% of the population. What about the rest of us? Join the masses but don’t be like everyone else. Find your path, even if it’s a scary one and even if you might fail. You might learn something along the way. It might lead you to your true path, your purpose or your God given talent. The point is you’ll never know if you sit in your house and do the same thing everyday. Challenge yourself, get out of your comfort zone. God does not want us to waste this life. Keep trying to discover yourself. Never give up!! This is what makes life worth living.
Get out there and find your part. I’ll let you know how mine pans out.